1994 Earthquake, a mile from my parents' house.

W00t! I’m now registered for the next CERT course in Mountain View (and my boyfriend is considering joining me). Let me tell you about CERT (Community Emergency Response Team)… Actually, I don’t know much about it yet. But here’s what the website says:

“Over the course of 4 weeks, CERT members receive training in earthquake awareness, disaster fire suppression techniques, disaster medical operations, first aid/CPR, light search and rescue as well as team organization and management. CERT Training culminates with a disaster simulation and comprehensive course review. All classes are taught by trained emergency personnel, including firefighters and emergency medical services personnel, with an emphasis on hands-on practice.”

Sounds like a great foundation for handling the zombie apocalypse.

They’ve also got a class called PEP (personal Emergency Preparedness) which teaches:

• When and how to turn off the gas
• How to use a fire extinguisher
• What to do when phones don’t work
• How to manage when the power is out
• What to do about pandemic flu
• Earthquake Emergency Supplies
• Medical Aid for the first five minutes after an event
• Community Emergency Response information

Which also sounds useful (though potentially redundant).

The program was started by the Los Angeles Fire Department in 1985 and has spread throughout the country, as all good ideas should. Pardon me as I take a moment of home town pride: Woo, LA! We may have fires and mudslides and earthquakes and celebrity car chases, but damn, we know how to handle them!

Ahem.

On a slightly more serious note, programs like CERT are what got my home running again after the Northridge Earthquake in 1994.  See the photo below? It’s also from the 94 earthquake. That crack running across the street… that house is on the same block as these houses, from my ZAR scoring post.

CERT programs exist all over the country. Here’s a directory broken down by state. I’m excited to get CERT training.

Go, thou, and do likewise!

Only one of these two houses has a chance of surviving the Zombie Apocalypse; can you tell me why?

House 1

House 2

It’s not location. They’re only about a block apart, along a busy street. But look at House 1! That pretty arching window looks like a perfect place for a zombie to make a dramatic appearance, don’t you think? It even looks kinda like a target. So let’s say that’s a -1 on the ZAR scale.

The door to the house, which is hidden in shadow in the first picture, is pretty much the same shape, just smaller. But still with lots of glass. It would be far too easy for a zombie to smash through.  – 1.

The front yard is easy access, too. No wall. No gate. No moat. No sharpened stakes placed at angles. Just flat grass and a cement walkway. That’s another – 1.

There’s a decent sniper position, using the small windows on the right side of the house. It would be quite possible to pick off zombies from there should you be so lucky as to have a firearm handy. Or a crossbow, I suppose. But I’d vote for the firearm. That might work to take out a party of five zombies. But a large group would push right through and run you out of ammo. So… let’s say that’s a + 0.5

And then… single level. No upper floor to hide out in while the zombies rampage below (because we all know they’re totally going to get in). – 1

ZAR score = 1.5

Now for House 2. Look at those windows! I love those windows. Not just because their uniform neatness makes my OCD happy. But look how high they are off the ground. And how small. No zombie of a size small enough to squeeze through is going to be able to reach, without climbing over the decaying bodies of its brethren. Which could happen. But it would take a while for the zombie carcasses to pile up high enough. +1

Plus, the windows make a good snipering location to pick off zombies as they approach. +1

The front yard is open, it’s true. But the concrete path doesn’t lead straight up to the door, unimpeded. There’s a wrought iron gate set into a wall of concrete bricks (hard to see in the photo, my apologies). +1

You can’t even see the front door from the street. That’s good. + 1

Single story, though. The zombies get in, and you’re toast. -1

ZAR score = 3