Hingson and his guide dog, Roselle, after 9/11

World War Z aside, it seems to me that being blind during the zombie apocalypse is pretty much a death sentence. (Or, you know, being me without my contacts. That’s a death sentence, too.) But, add in a seeing eye dog, well…

The dog is going to hear anyone coming a lot sooner than you will. And a lot sooner than a sighted person could see a zombie, I’m guessing. Likewise, the dog is going to *smell* a zombie in hiding (assuming zombies are wise enough, or lucky enough, to hide and then ambush you). The dog is also going to be expert at communicating and herding his person. But… with fast zombies, is that going to be enough? Can a dog move their person fast enough to get out of the way? Would the dog risk contracting zombie-dom by biting an attacking zombie?

Which leads to a slightly more general question of whether or not a dog (seeing eye or not) could take down a zombie. They’d have to deal with the same problems we would – pain will not stop the zombie. Normally mortal wounds would not stop the zombie.

How would dogs fare, in general, in the zombie apocalypse? I doubt they would abandon us, seeing as hundreds of thousands of years have gone into our relationship with them. Cats, on the other hand, would be gone in an instant, I suspect.

I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if guide dogs somehow managed to protect their people through a zombie apocalypse. They are pretty damn awesome dogs.

Skills covered are:

• Building Shelter
• Making a Fire
• Learning Edible Plants
• Making Traps

The big question becomes when to do it.

This weekend is an outing to a shooting range, so those of us who don’t know how to shoot can learn and those who do can show off and those who are gun crazy can play with their new toys (nine attendees in total).

Then there’s CERT at the end of the month (I’ve convinced three other people to do it, too!) And Edible and Medicinal plants at the start of February.

Tomorrow, I tackle the climbing gym. Not literally. Well, maybe literally. There is a climbing gym. I will go there. I will sign up for a month’s membership, because for the month of January they have no initiation fees at Planet Granite. Woo. This can double for Ninja Training as well as Zombie Apocalypse training. Perhaps it can triple for Cat Burgling, too.

Ah, the career options your high school career counselor never told you about.

I’m not saying the Zombie Apocalypse is happening in six months (I’m also not saying it’s not, because, really, who can predict zombies?). But I plan to be ready — within six months.

Which means learning the skills necessary to survive. Marksmanship? Absolutely. Cardio? Also a given. Learning how to forage supper from the land without accidentally getting gakked from eating lily of the valley? Probably.

The idea is to become bad-ass enough to survive the undead masses, fast enough to outrun the fast zombies, and agile enough to climb a tree (because zombies can’t climb – this is a universal truth).

Is it doable? I’d like to think so. You’re all invited to join me. Or cheer me on. Or laugh hysterically when I fall out of a tree and try to convince my boyfriend that we really need to raise chickens.

Tell me, what skills do you think are essential to surviving the Zombie Apocalypse?