The Plan

 
 

Because when the zombies attack, I want to survive.

I’m not saying the Zombie Apocalypse is happening in six months (I’m also not saying it’s not, because, really, who can predict zombies?). But I plan to be ready — within six months.

Which means learning the skills necessary to survive. Marksmanship? Absolutely. Cardio? Also a given. Learning how to forage supper from the land without accidentally getting gakked from eating lily of the valley? Probably.

The idea is to become bad-ass enough to survive the undead masses, fast enough to outrun the fast zombies, and agile enough to climb a tree (because zombies can’t climb – this is a universal truth).

Is it doable? I’d like to think so. You’re all invited to join me. Or cheer me on. Or laugh hysterically when I fall out of a tree and try to convince my boyfriend that we really need to raise chickens.

Tell me, what skills do you think are essential to surviving the Zombie Apocalypse?

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8 Comments

  1. Cormac says:

    Unfortunately blogging is probably one of the skills you won’t need after the zombie apocalypse. :)

    [Reply]

    diana Reply:

    *snarf* This is true. But before the apocalypse, I will use blogging to build a network of resourceful people who can help me prepare. And possibly teach me things.

    But hey, after the zombie apocalypse – no more carpal tunnel.

    [Reply]

  2. sim says:

    Thou must learn to Stitch flesh (for holding the people you care about together). Practice on meat. The turkey suggests itself at this time of year.

    I do not stitch flesh. Seeing needles go into flesh disturbs me, so when we are in our bunker together (must learn to build bunker, all of those plastic garbage pales suggest an ideal source material for really tall walls, light enough to maneuver and build tall, and can probably be stitched together with a blowtorch and some rope into a fairly sturdy configuration, angled out so as to make climbing difficult until the dead bodies pile up into ramparts ), you will be in charge of flesh stitching. We also need to set a rendezvous point to seek, so we have somewhere to go with resources, as well as incremental backup positions from here to there…. Satellite communication should hold out for a while, then we’ll need am radio, as it travels quite far…

    [Reply]

    diana Reply:

    Ham radio!

    Best to convene at my place, although that does pose certain challenges from LA… J already has a great many survival skills and supplies.

    Also, you are awesome.

    [Reply]

    sim Reply:

    realistically your goals fall into four broad categories:
    1. Self Defense – how to whup zombie ass, escape, evade, fortify against.
    2. Survival Skills – how to procure food, water, shelter, first aide, comfort, maintain health for the long haul.
    3. Zombie Knowledge – yes, rewatching Zombieland for the 5th time might be useful, as well as plenty of Left For Dead, and (re)reading such classics as World War Z and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (which I highly recommend, make sure to get the revised, with even more zombies version).
    4. Rebuilding Society in the Aftermath Skills – how to get out and iud if you need to repopulate (and how to negotiate complex relationships with a reduced population, with an eye to harmony and the most viable next generation), how to create lenses to replace the pair of glasses half shattered by a near miss by an over-enthusiastic companion with an ax in heated battle during a foraging raid outside the bunker, how to repair small electronics, homesteading skills, crafting (sewing, woodwork, weaving, making the tools of the ordinary we take for granted), chicken raising, efficient farming on small plots of land (less to defend), etc… note some cross-over with survival skills, but this is for the longer haul, beyond mere survival. You want to be able to THRIVE.

    [Reply]

    sim Reply:

    Also, you are awesome, too.

    [Reply]

  3. Adam says:

    Calmness. If I have learned anything from zombie movies, videogames, books and comics, it’s that freaking out will just plain get you killed. Maybe some kind of alpha-wave feedback thing, so you can learn how to calm yourself instantly.

    [Reply]

  4. Adam says:

    Also, Archery. You can always retrieve your arrows or make more, but once you’re out of ammo with a gun, particularly primers, you’re hosed. Still, while you’ve got the supplies, marksmanship is a very useful skill to have. I recommend a long-barreled .22 pistol or a short-barreled .22 carbine. Easy to learn on, ammo is cheap and plentiful, and it’s fairly quiet.

    [Reply]

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